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Literature by Starlight34

Writing by chloe-deviant


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Submitted on
May 13, 2010
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You don't see...

You don't see
the daggers piercing at my skin.
You don't see
gravity forcing me down,
crushing me,
against the bathroom floor.
You don't see
how many times my sister wakes
to the sounds of retching as I heave up all I've got.

You don't see
the sleepless nights,
the cries of pain.
You don't see
My pride, my strength, my resolve,
being shattered everyday

You don't see
there is no cure for this
and it feels like there never will be.

What you see
is a pretend me
on a good day,
playing at being normal,
being happy.

You don't see
me silently knowing that
every moment I spend in play with you today
will be the death of me tomorrow.

You don't see
that even though we know
that your visit will be our own living hell tomorrow,
we still choose to fight our way through today with you.

We love you,
irrevocably.
We love you, and we value you.

So next time maybe you'll see,
that we go through hell,
willingly,
to love you.
You may not see our suffering,
but all we ask is to be loved
irrevocably
in return.

Not as who we used to be, but as we are now.

You don't see
that we just smiled for the first time in a week,
just because you're near.
You don't see
how much our heart swells
when you travel to see us,
even knowing that we can not do the same.

And don't you see
we'll continue to love you
no matter what the price.
But please see us
with unseeing eyes.

Our love is at a cost.
A challenge day by day.
Just to keep those we love from fleeing
from departing,
from going astray.

Our costly love is all we have,
no energy,no fight,
because our body is our costly fault,
we're worn out through and through.
But deep inside our hearts sing out
no matter how tough it gets
we love you,
irrevocably
please, just love us too.

What we want you to see
Is that we are not victims
though we may suffer greatly daily,
but, no matter what, our infliction do not own us,
so please, don't let it own you.
I'm not sure this will make sense to anyone. It's written for the groups im involved with for those who suffer from 'invisible illnesses.' I myself suffer from CRPS, FM and CFS. So I guess many really won't understand this. However, I wanted to post it for those who do understand its meaning. And to those of you who don't, its true.
Every word.
It's hard to keep hold of loved ones when they have to watch you suffer. Its sometimes even harder to keep hold of them who don't see us suffer. they see us on our good day, good as new, so don't understand when we can't make events or dates ect becoz of our 'invisible illness.'
As it's often written, 'how are you ill when you look so well?'
There's so much that you don't see when it comes to sufferers of these conditions. I just wanted to pull a little attention to it, not just to those with loved ones who are suffering but to those who have no awareness of the condition.

(i wasn't sure on the right poetry category so if anyone can correct me then please do so and I'll put it in its proper place :) )

xxx
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:iconkurios-kat:
kurios-kat Featured By Owner May 16, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
It makes perfect sense to me: it is a description of our 'reality' :hug:
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:iconrain7777:
Rain7777 Featured By Owner May 16, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
:) gdgd. See I was hoping other sufferers would understand which is why i contributed it to the FM/ME group's gallery. Im glad to hear that you do understand so thank you v. much for commenting and letting me know coz now i dont hav to worry that iv posted it and it doesnt fit :)

B xxx
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:iconkurios-kat:
kurios-kat Featured By Owner May 16, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh I think it does an excellent job of conveying the experience. I"d also like to say that we all have our own individual and unique experiences of the same thing, so even if your observation "didn't fit in" it would still be just as valid, if not more so. Nothing 'wrong' with being different you know. (End of lecture - can't you just tell I'm a Mum!! ^chuckle^) :hug:
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:iconrain7777:
Rain7777 Featured By Owner May 16, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
:D lol thank you v. much. And it didn't feel like a lecture. Your kids are lucky to hav you tho :) xx
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:iconkurios-kat:
kurios-kat Featured By Owner May 16, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
well...in between the zonked out bits perhaps. ;) thanks. :hug:
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:iconrain7777:
Rain7777 Featured By Owner May 15, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Anyone know how to make only one word in italics? :S
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:iconchloe-deviant:
chloe-deviant Featured By Owner May 14, 2010
so, so beautiful. I cried reading this too. I can totally relate, even if i dont have CRPS, FM or CFS (I hate to sound ignorant but what are they? >.<'). This poem totally sums up depression for me, and you have done it so beautifully. Thank you for putting in words how so many of the world feel but can't express <3
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:iconrain7777:
Rain7777 Featured By Owner May 14, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
aawwww just reading your reply choked me up! :( CRPS is chronic regional pain syndrome, Fm is Fibromyalgia, CFS- chronic Fatigue syndrome. And I've been suffering from depression since I developed these conditions. Boooo to them. But i've been of my anti-d's for a long while now and still holding gd. I'm really really glad you like the poem an even more so that you felt a connection with it that caused such a swell of emotion. It means so much to me to get replies like this so thank you :)
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:iconchloe-deviant:
chloe-deviant Featured By Owner May 14, 2010
oh my, you poor thing :( *hugs* I'm really sorry you have to deal with all that, but mega cheers and woots for battling on and staying strong :) you're an inspiration!
oops, didn't mean to choke u up! >.< I wish you the very best for the future :)
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:iconamimeerocks:
amimeerocks Featured By Owner May 13, 2010
Well I can firmly say that this is correctly categorised as "emotional poetry" - for me it is anyway. You just made me cry a little. But that's not too hard for me, I'm just a big pansy :P

Such touching words, these verses are not only well crafted and impactful as poetry, but also the deeply personal nature of your poetry speaks volumes to your bravery and beauty as a strong and important woman in a sometimes crazy, often unfair world, but still it is the world we live in and strength will carry us through.

Thank you.
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