[x]

Relativity I

I go through the motions
Loosing track of time
Hours, days, weeks means nothing to me
A week might last a day
A day might last week
A week might last a month
And vice versa
I blink my eyes once and suddenly 24 hours has passed
It's the day after now
And I don't even know what happened
What I did in the day before

II

Everytime I think about the world and existence
I close my eyes and all of sudden I have no body
I am just a portion of atoms flying around the space
I feel the world is not there anymore
I open my eyes
And the world is still there
But I feel something is not quite right
I do

LuckyLucky

I never had to kill a man
With an AK-47 gun
I never had to watch my father slaughter
Or gaze agape
As my mother was raped
I never felt the sharp twist of a knife in my innards
Because there was nothing to eat for our dinner
I wasn’t a victim of poverty
Was never the state’s property.
I guess
I was lucky.

My mommy loved me
My daddy doted on me
I had anything
And everything
My heart desired.
Still, by the time I was ten, or maybe before,
I knew what it was like to be tired.
I felt it in my bones the way that inmates do
I hurt with it so bad that I wanted to be through.

But do I have a right, when i

Something's Wrong.
I crashed,
off the deep end.
The day they told me they would be making my decisions,
Because every decision I make is a bad one.

They put me in a glass cage,
to stare out into the world,
to be trapped by their words.
I'm trapped inside looking out.
[Get me the fuck out of here]

I look at her.. I'm asking her what went wrong,
but she can't hear through this glass.
She's not losing the only person she had left,
but I am.
On certain days, she can say she's fallen short.
[She'll always have someone]

I look in the mirror,
and tell myself I won't be the puppet on their strings.
I won't be victim to their manipulating games..
I

This poetry is smoke-free.
Monday.

Today,
the weather is
something I don't want to talk about,
but you can just pretend I said "sunny".

Today,
you left,
so I memorised
the entire periodic table.

Tuesday.

Today,
it's raining excuses
not to go out
and meet new people.

Today,
all hell breaks loose,
and I start confounding
regret and you.

Wednesday.

Today,
don't expect me to talk
about the weather
or how it sucks without you.

Today,
I'm starting a sentence
with the word "today"
as if I care about today.

Thursday.

Today,
the temperature is below zero,
so I'm wearing this sweatshirt
that I hate, but I hate everything.

Today,
I almost

Sticks and stonesSticks

"There isn't any left for you."

And stones

"What are you doing here? We don't want you here."

May break

"Your so emo! Why don't you just go in a corner and cut yourself?"

My bones

"You're so ugly! No one would go out with someone like you!"

But names

"You're so fat! I'm surprised you can still walk!"

will never

"You're so useless! Why don't you just die! No one will care anyway!"

hurt me....

denialI am who I am because of what I have.

Who cares if it is labelled as a "Mental Illness"?
I'm sick of labels.
I'm sick of judgement.
I'm sick of people.
I'm sick of "being sick".

Do I look like I'm sick?
Can you tell by my face, that there's more to me beneath my skin?
Can you look behind my eyes and see more than my insecurities?
Can you tell me if you know how to make it all go away?

No, you can't. No one can. I'm "incurable".

Huh, if only I was sick in the first place.

I'm Not OkayYes, I'm fine don't worry
I'll cry when you leave, but I'm okay

My smile is a lie, but I'm okay
I'm holding back my tears, but I'm okay

I don't need someone to talk to
I don't need any help

My life is spiraling downward, but I'm okay
I want to die, but I'm okay

I hate my life, but I'm okay
Alright, I'm lying, I'm not okay

Dear DiaryDear Diary,
Is it really that bad?

I mean… To have 2 dads…
My friend Sasha came over after school today, and told me it was weird that I'm the only girl at school who doesn't have a mom.
I told her that I didn't need a mom if I had 2 dads.
She asked me where I came from if I had two dads.
I don't know where babies come from yet… Daddy and Papa told me that I'm to young to know just yet.
So I just shrugged.
She asked me if my Daddy and Papa ever kiss.
I told her they do, because they are in love.
Then she said two men couldn't kiss.
But they can. I see Papa give Daddy a peck on the lips before he goes off to work.
Sh

you will be alrightstand on your fractured bones,
bury your childhood dreams
swallow your broken teeth
and smile through the stifled screams

[because someday you'll heal,
someday you'll walk straight and laugh, and
maybe tomorrow will bring you relief
for your burnt skin and glass heart
splintered in half]

so count all the nail-shaped trails,
deal out your playing cards
number the shattered ribs
and outline your fading scars
wipe the blood from your face,
with barbed wire around your wrists
take off on unhealed wings
clench your teeth and your fists

[because someday you will live again,
someday you will see the light, and
maybe tomorrow you w

Joyi.
"'lo?"
"I'm pregnant."
"It's 2am."
"It's yours."
"How do you know?"
"Who's else would it be?"
"I dunno. G'nite."
"Night."

ii.
"Devon?!"
"Oh shit..."
"Oh good, you're alive. I thought you had a heart attack on me or something."
"Close enough."
"I've been getting sick every morning. It sucks."
"Yeah."
"I'm due in June, just before school ends. This actually works in my favor; I have the whole summer off."
"That's good."
"What are we going to do? Devon, we're seventeen."
"I don't know, Lisa, I don't know."

iii.
"So."
"Devon, it's a girl."
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Is she beautiful?"
"Devon, she's still just barely past the e

When the walls fall quiet.Rain makes me want to write to you,
to tell you the things I should have said five months ago,
five years ago,
when we were younger and weaker and it didn't hurt so much to breathe.
We weren't happy even then, and I was too young to know the difference.

Do you ever think we're growing up too fast?
When we're smoking behind stores
and drinking to sleep
and buying drugs from the boys who tried to love me
but got burned along the way.
They don't know we're still children, and neither do we.
We drive too fast and talk too much and drink until we die,
but god, tonight I do not want to die.
Tonight I do not want to fall asle

electricityi like to draw pictures
of broken things.

self-portraits, mostly.

we met in cyberspace—
talked with mouths
stitched shut,
earthworm fingers
spread open w i d e
as our lacquered
thighs.

tapped out LCD
conversations that
shimmied across networks
and j i t t e r b u g g e d into
glowworm hearts
leaking loneliness—
lit up nerves
frayed like
live wires.

whatever about

us

that has both my
screen and pulse
delirious is certainly
more than a
computer virus;

i do not know what love is but
if i did

[this
could
be
it.]

i once told you:

Bubble Gum GothBubble Gum Goth

exploding hit, POP!
hours strewn about
profit by mom

-Piano Newb and ES 2011
.

GravediggerI'm standing here
looking into your living eye
and knowing, that I will watch you die.
My friend, I'm frozen deeply inside
I'm frozen, blinded, I don't even cry.

Gravedigger, we talk about your suicide
as if it was a journey you've dreamt of all your live.
Noone can stop you, and I the least.
You have said goodbye to your friends before we even met.
You don't care. You've convinced me.
You don't die out of depression or an impulse or to cry for help.

Gravedigger, it's your free decision. Wahrer Freitod.
All I can do, is being there for the last few weeks of your life.
At least that's what I think I can do.
But with b

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Chapter 4 part 2Blaze and Jack Frost (Part Two)

Bradley watched as Rai swung his sword at the attacker and saw a flash of light as Lithia activated her sword from the floor where she had fallen. Bradley looked up at his bag and that the contents had spread across the floor. When he saw his skateboard a smile spread across his face.
He got to his feet and ran forward. If this guy wanted to play with speed, so would he. He grabbed the skateboard and crouched low, increasing his speed. He held out his sword as he neared Rai. He swung out, inches from Rai but it wasn't Rai that cried out. Blood spurted forth, seemingly from nowhere and Bradley kne

Chapter 4 part 1Blaze and Jack Frost (Part one)

Lithia woke the next morning to find herself in pain. Her memories of the night before returned as she got to her feet painfully and began to get ready for school. Once Ben had drunk his tea he had gone home to bed himself. Lithia jumped in the shower and drank a mug of coffee once she was dressed. She was careful to be quiet as her mum was still in bed, having come home whilst Lithia had been asleep.
Lithia got her bag ready and pulled her hair back before leaving the house, assured with plenty of time to get to school. She walked slower than usual that morning, tired and aching. She wondered wh

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Submitted: May 13, 2010
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You Don't See...

by ~Rain7777, May 13, 2010, 2:25:22 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

You don't see...

You don't see
the daggers piercing at my skin.
You don't see
gravity forcing me down,
crushing me,
against the bathroom floor.
You don't see
how many times my sister wakes
to the sounds of retching as I heave up all I've got.

You don't see
the sleepless nights,
the cries of pain.
You don't see
My pride, my strength, my resolve,
being shattered everyday

You don't see
there is no cure for this
and it feels like there never will be.

What you see
is a pretend me
on a good day,
playing at being normal,
being happy.

You don't see
me silently knowing that
every moment I spend in play with you today
will be the death of me tomorrow.

You don't see
that even though we know
that your visit will be our own living hell tomorrow,
we still choose to fight our way through today with you.

We love you,
irrevocably.
We love you, and we value you.

So next time maybe you'll see,
that we go through hell,
willingly,
to love you.
You may not see our suffering,
but all we ask is to be loved
irrevocably
in return.

Not as who we used to be, but as we are now.

You don't see
that we just smiled for the first time in a week,
just because you're near.
You don't see
how much our heart swells
when you travel to see us,
even knowing that we can not do the same.

And don't you see
we'll continue to love you
no matter what the price.
But please see us
with unseeing eyes.

Our love is at a cost.
A challenge day by day.
Just to keep those we love from fleeing
from departing,
from going astray.

Our costly love is all we have,
no energy,no fight,
because our body is our costly fault,
we're worn out through and through.
But deep inside our hearts sing out
no matter how tough it gets
we love you,
irrevocably
please, just love us too.

What we want you to see
Is that we are not victims
though we may suffer greatly daily,
but, no matter what, our infliction do not own us,
so please, don't let it own you.

You Don't See...by ~Rain7777

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

I'm not sure this will make sense to anyone. It's written for the groups im involved with for those who suffer from 'invisible illnesses.' I myself suffer from CRPS, FM and CFS. So I guess many really won't understand this. However, I wanted to post it for those who do understand its meaning. And to those of you who don't, its true.
Every word.
It's hard to keep hold of loved ones when they have to watch you suffer. Its sometimes even harder to keep hold of them who don't see us suffer. they see us on our good day, good as new, so don't understand when we can't make events or dates ect becoz of our 'invisible illness.'
As it's often written, 'how are you ill when you look so well?'
There's so much that you don't see when it comes to sufferers of these conditions. I just wanted to pull a little attention to it, not just to those with loved ones who are suffering but to those who have no awareness of the condition.

(i wasn't sure on the right poetry category so if anyone can correct me then please do so and I'll put it in its proper place

)

xxx

~~love 0 0~~

~~joy 0 0~~

wow 1 1

~~mad 0 0~~

sad 1 1

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

=kurios-kat May 16, 2010 Hobbyist Photographer

It makes perfect sense to me: it is a description of our 'reality'

~Rain7777 May 16, 2010 Hobbyist General Artist

gdgd. See I was hoping other sufferers would understand which is why i contributed it to the FM/ME group's gallery. Im glad to hear that you do understand so thank you v. much for commenting and letting me know coz now i dont hav to worry that iv posted it and it doesnt fit

B xxx

=kurios-kat May 16, 2010 Hobbyist Photographer

Oh I think it does an excellent job of conveying the experience. I"d also like to say that we all have our own individual and unique experiences of the same thing, so even if your observation "didn't fit in" it would still be just as valid, if not more so. Nothing 'wrong' with being different you know. (End of lecture - can't you just tell I'm a Mum!! ^chuckle^)

~Rain7777 May 16, 2010 Hobbyist General Artist

lol thank you v. much. And it didn't feel like a lecture. Your kids are lucky to hav you tho

=kurios-kat May 16, 2010 Hobbyist Photographer

well...in between the zonked out bits perhaps.

thanks.

~Rain7777 May 15, 2010 Hobbyist General Artist

Anyone know how to make only one word in italics? :S

~chloe-deviant May 14, 2010

so, so beautiful. I cried reading this too. I can totally relate, even if i dont have CRPS, FM or CFS (I hate to sound ignorant but what are they? >.<'). This poem totally sums up depression for me, and you have done it so beautifully. Thank you for putting in words how so many of the world feel but can't express <3

~Rain7777 May 14, 2010 Hobbyist General Artist

aawwww just reading your reply choked me up!

CRPS is chronic regional pain syndrome, Fm is Fibromyalgia, CFS- chronic Fatigue syndrome. And I've been suffering from depression since I developed these conditions. Boooo to them. But i've been of my anti-d's for a long while now and still holding gd. I'm really really glad you like the poem an even more so that you felt a connection with it that caused such a swell of emotion. It means so much to me to get replies like this so thank you

~chloe-deviant May 14, 2010

oh my, you poor thing

*hugs* I'm really sorry you have to deal with all that, but mega cheers and woots for battling on and staying strong

you're an inspiration!
oops, didn't mean to choke u up! >.< I wish you the very best for the future

~amimeerocks May 13, 2010

Well I can firmly say that this is correctly categorised as "emotional poetry" - for me it is anyway. You just made me cry a little. But that's not too hard for me, I'm just a big pansy

Such touching words, these verses are not only well crafted and impactful as poetry, but also the deeply personal nature of your poetry speaks volumes to your bravery and beauty as a strong and important woman in a sometimes crazy, often unfair world, but still it is the world we live in and strength will carry us through.

Thank you.

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