So I am still struggling with the diagnosis. Been extra tough coz I had a fibromyalgia flare up last week so I've not even been able to do much to cheer myself up. I have started telling people now about what the diagnosis is. It's probably harder telling the people I love than it is hearing it for myself. I told my nan today and she cried and my aunt got all upset just before going to my cousin's assembly so I felt terrible. My nan has lived with pain all of her life and I think that's why she cried. Because we've all held such hope that I'll get better for soooo long and now suddenly its over. That hope is gone now and all that's left is to deal with the outcome. Deal with it each day at a time.

I've decided I might not go on to do my MA in art therapy. it seems a bit pointless as I won't be able to work. Im not safe enough to work coz I am too ill so I am on benefits. I won't be able to have the career I wanted. I can't be a full time art therapist, I can't travel and it just is too much hard work for me to be able to handle in my condition. So I might have to go freelance and just rely on my benefit money. has been my rock, although I feel bad for him because he shouldn't have to help me as much as he does. Its like I've become dependable on people when inside I'm so independent so I push myself when I shouldn't and make myself worse. But I hate that he has to almost baby sit me. And he says he doesn't care when i tell him this but I still feel shit for it. I hate that I can't seem to even cook dinner at the moment so my thoughts are on the future and they'r riddled with a lack of hope that just last week I still had.

**Sigh** Sorry to be moaning. Just needed to vent. Got to finish this uni work and I am a bit stuck. Would really appreciate any ideas or advice from people. On both these subjects. I just feel so bad that I have to tell people and in doing so they'r crying and upset for me but what am I meant to say or feel? Because yes I am upset but I can't cry anymore, I've got to get on and I don't want pity, I just crave understanding from people. Still not told everyone so the next week or so will still be hard so my art may turn a lil emo so I do apologise. But once its done and over with I can move on, stop sulking and feeling sorry for myself and just get on with it.

B xxx

BTW I just wanted to bring this to your attention coz I think it totally rox! This is by And i think its awesome!